The storm is here, and getting worse

Short version: I began to feel terrible Monday April 2. I’ve had small spurts of good times, but I probably haven’t had a full good day since then. I’m very fatigued and retaining a lot of fluid, therefore I can barely stand or wear shoes. I still can’t wear pants because I’m so swollen in the torso. My breathing has also been worse and I barely have an appetite. There is consistently more cancer in my blood as time goes on. I will have more news after tomorrow’s appointment with my cancer doctor.

Long version: The percentage of cancerous cells in my blood has gone from 16% (when they first found it March 1st) to 82% (today). I think we need a harsher chemo drug, which was needed to get me into remission the first time around. I So far, I’ve had 1 round of chemo (3/21 to 3/25), and I began a chemo pill this past Friday (April 6th). I have only needed a blood and platelet transfusion once, which is good. My white cell count is still high, which is bad. I meet with my cancer doctor tomorrow to discuss the gene mutation results (which she wants to discuss in person…uh oh), and to talk about what comes next. We don’t want to end up killing me before we kill the chemo. Since last Wednesday my swollen legs have been red for about 3″ near the ankles, and the tops of my feet. I’ve seen 4 doctors who all say they have not seen this exact thing before. i can’t tell you how many times I heard that, and 99% of the time it’s something bad. The redness has remained the same over these last few days. My legs and feet are very painful. My hands and wrists are very painful and swollen. I am swollen all over & can barely move. I’m starting to feel claustrophobic in my body, it’s quite horrible. I’m also feeling very panicked that I don’t really have anything planned for my death. Some notes here and there, a death notification form on the blog, some contacts in my phone. I feel more panicked the more those bad numbers go up. Things are getting pretty scary.

On a more positive note, I can’t thank everyone enough for all the well wishes, hugs (virtual ones too!), the stuff, and just everything. I truly feel loved and special!

Also, I am afraid that I will not get the glyph of my Warframe idol (*cough* Tavier) before I die…videogame reference. The person who I will my account to must be sure to earn it if I don’t :)

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